Having been working on the backend for Marginálie for some weeks with it apparently in an interminable state where the frontend is out of action, I finally bite the bullet and take a couple of steps to putting it up on a test page. This finds me determined but also unsure of myself. What do I find myself doing? And is it not the case that this is some extreme case of autistic perseveration? Worse, since I find ways to demean myself and the whole project even in the event that it will work, surely it will never earn me a penny? And so I revisit my doubts, doubts earned from a lifetime of living on the edge, barely scraping a living, struggling with depression and various forms of mental illness and stress. All of this takes so much of my energy before even I begin to tackle all of the hostility and the present negativity that surrounds me. And yet I have to prove myself, to myself, and to them, those most recent doubters, and those others that have come before whose voices I still hear in my head.
And yet, for all of this imposter's syndrome, I talk about what I have done so far on the project which I could in this video scarcely yet believe could look like anything at all, could be a web application, as if I didn't have it in me, and talk about what it could yet become. But not only that. I talk about coming across the voice of Henry Rollins. I talk about what it means for me, and for us all, that journalism is not what it once was, that we are all now expected to be our own marketing departments, about how I would like to discuss Orientalism by Edward Said. I talk, too, about my ambivalence towards computers. In short, I take a look at Marginálie through a different perspective than I have in other videos and podcasts, but with it all feeling a little closer than it has until now. At that most difficult place in a project - being almost there - I talk about what the newly-chosen title for what is this test site, 'morbid interregnum' means, and what it means for me, for the site, and for us.
marginálie - opening doors since 2016